she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
