So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
