I'm lost and stupid without you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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