at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
