sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
