I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
