So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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