Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
