If that was your dad, he is hot
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
