remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
