Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
