Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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