Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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