jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
