i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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