don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
