genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
