i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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