Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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