and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
