Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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