We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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