Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
