Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
