A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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