if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
