just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
