please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
