It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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