i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
