He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
