I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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