Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
