so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize