they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think my moral compass just broke
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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