I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
