Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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