I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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