I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
