I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
