So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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