Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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