the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
