Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
