We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
