my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
