this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize