I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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