I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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