just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
