He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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