I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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