Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
