he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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