She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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