WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
