she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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