What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
