I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
