He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
