he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
