What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
