So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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