So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
