We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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