remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize